The One Word That’s Stealing Your Confidence (And How to Stop Using It)
- Kerry
- Sep 5
- 2 min read
“I Rode Well… But…” – Sound Familiar?
You just had a great ride. Maybe you:
Nailed that transition you’ve been practicing.
Finally felt relaxed in canter.
Survived a spook without panicking.
Then someone says, “You looked great out there!”
And without thinking, you reply:
“Thanks, but I still messed up the turn…”
“Yeah, but it’s only because my horse is saint…”
“I guess, but everyone else is better.”
That tiny word “but”? It’s deleting your wins.
Why “But” is Your Confidence’s Worst Enemy
It cancels compliments. Like hitting “undo” on progress.
It trains your brain to focus on flaws. The more you use it, the more you only see mistakes.
It’s a British specialty. We’re practically Olympic medalists in downplaying success.
The Fix: Swap “But” for a Pause.
Step 1: Notice Your “Buts”
For one ride, count how many times you:
Criticize yourself (“Good stop, but I was unbalanced…”).
Brush off praise (“You’re kind, but…”).
Awareness is half the battle.
Step 2: The 3-Second Rule
Next time someone compliments you:
Pause. (Seriously—say nothing for 3 seconds.)
Breathe. (Let the words actually land.)
Say ONLY this: “Thank you. I’m really proud of that.”
No caveats. No “buts.” Just soak it in.
Step 3: Rewrite Your Inner Dialogue
Instead of:
“I rode well, but…”
Try:
“I rode well. And next time, I’ll work on…”
See the difference? One erases your effort. The other builds on it.
Why This Works
Compliments become fuel, not awkward moments to escape.
Your brain starts seeking wins, not just flaws.
You give others permission to celebrate too (ever noticed how “but” makes everyone uncomfortable?).
Free Challenge: “7 Days of No ‘Buts’”
Download my “Confidence Challenge” to learn how to be more positive & relaxed when riding. Sign up here.
Fresh Focus Therapy uses CBT & Hypnotherapy for horse rider mindset coaching across the UK.
Final Thought
Confidence isn’t about being perfect. It’s about letting the good moments count.
So next time you hear yourself say “but”? Pause. Breathe. And let the win exist.
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